YOUR sense of humour could be so sick...
i never knew...
now YOU've brought him back!
ha.ha.ha.....he... came back.
.
after i had killed n buried my baby in his grave,
just then...
.
...he... came back!
the only pulse...ever born in me,
the only heart...i truly felt for,
the only trick... i ever fell for
...is back.
.
why did i kill him?...
when he was all i ever wanted!
.
... only...for YOU!
when i see YOU, i forget him.
...when i see him, i forget YOU .
he's the fire, n YOUR the Light
in me.
n You know I always end up with YOU
.
YOU! there's always YOU between him n me!...

Dream sequence, continues...

...eyes swollen n empty, lips dry n chapped.

im still Asleep.

.

inconsequential thoughts prevail the mind.

world seems still Strange.

Headaches Remain.

.

inconsequential feelings Devour the heart, as...

it Sinks and Sulks.

.

they say; the world is the same,

they say; the life is same,

they say; everything is there in its place.

But,

Where am i?...

.

they dont answer.

n i dont know.

.

i do all chores, all day n lie on bed, all night.

.

i roam around the city,

all day all night,

randomly wondering,

through busy streets and empty alleys.

i Wonder alone.

.

i sink in my couch,

all day all night,

watching any scene that catches my eyes,

or reading any word that whispers in heart.

i Dream alone.

.

from here and there

i drift,

i glide,

where the wind takes me.

like a broken Feather...

i am everywhere, n

No where.

.

...i lost my bird

.

...i lost my will.

.

my will,

my love,

my passion,

my god,

my only sanity

...died its own death.

.

while i stood there and watched.

.

now, its an empty temple.

where the bhagats still sing,

and bells still ring,

but the diety has left.

.

i am Free...free as in all its sense.

.

i Dont wanna wake up.

i still Dream.

.

Insane, i Remain.

.

like my love, i expect this dream,

to make me sick

...so sick that it too,

dies its own death.

.

i want to see its limits,

Limits of my Insanity

..... in the hope

... of seeing god,

again.

.

Insane, i Remain.

The lost Tag

whats the world coming to???
On Friday, September 16, 2005 Kat had tagged me...:[ ...n ever since then, ive been trying to fill it up. i somehow felt obliged, so wanted to do it but, but as it appears, tags are not my thing.
i think today im gonna complete it, for once n all.

5 years ago: year 2000: i was a loony teen, nurd n nieve. n was finally getting settled in lahore for five straight years, *phew! (something practically unimaginable for a nomad like me.)
1 year ago: year 2004: revolutionary. life, career, goals, realtions, everything was redefined. i was like electrocuted. also, that was the year when i found many new media to express, though the style dint change, but my methaphors, similes, cliches n abstractions, just found some new faces. overall, it was a Fun year.
5 songs i know all the words to: aaaaa all the words? ... sorry! 8[ ...i mean i listen to music n sing songs almost all the time, but it just happens that i can never remember the whole lyrics.
5 Snacks i enjoy: ice cream with nuts crunch n fruits, bakery chips, fries with colslaw n ketchup, chocolate soufles/fudge/puddings/cup cakes, paapdi chaat, dahi puri... m, i guess its more than 5 , but... thats the way it is :p
5 Things I'd do with $100 million dollars: gimme some more n ill buy a couple of oil fields in the middle-east. its IN, u know! 8-)
hmm... :-? ...on an extremely serious note, i'll spend 5% on my firm n workshop, give 5% to my parents, 10% to my siblings, save 40% for my kids, n the rest would go to Eidhi.
5 places i would run away to: kalaash, hunza, small town or any countryside in europe, nana ji's, n Kaaba.
5 things I would never wear: blue contacts, beard, naval ring, monkey caps, n those dresses to kill ;)
5 favorite TV shows: whose line is it anyway, everybody loves raymond, funniest animals on animal planet, marathon cooking shows on bbc food, gardening n remodelling shows on bbc prime.
5 greatest joys: helping, exploring, resolving, dreaming, n family.
5 favorite toys: tv remote, P.C., points n lines, camera, n my lil nephews.
5 more victims: dawn, reedemer-x, twice translated, vix, von aurum
hahaha, i wish i could tag you guys, but after experiencing it myself, i declare this tag closed. :p
(anyway, if any of you happen to pass by here in any near future, n would like to fill the tag, you know your more than welcome)

*phew!*.....ahhhhh!..... at last.

Your L.o.v.e ???

OK, if i take a Poet, as the most romantic, the most passionate, n the most promising Lover, there could be...

Is there a Poet, who married for love n for the rest of his life, wrote all his poems n ghazals for his beloved wife ?

Can a Man really Stay in Love for that Long ?

...where one flame dies, another begins...Where does it go Wrong ?

Is Love just an esctatic Thought ? ...an excuse ?...an Escape ?

P.S. You say...for Love??? ...i'll buy it for faith, i'll buy it for honour, but not for this.

love ! n live !

"Whether it's another person or loving an activity or a piece
of art or nature, love is all about connecting."

_( Professor Marc Cohen, founding professor of complementary
medicine at RMIT University, said in his address to the International Conference
on Healthy Ageing and Longevity )

read more...

travel notes

I had to be in Rawalpindi for the weekend, so last night was spent in a road trip. We usually avoid going through the motorway when the sun's up, because of its being so hot n deserted, but to avoid night traffic, we took it last night. The four hour journey turned out quite good.....speeding on a clear road, with a clear night sky outside, n music inside, it was nice. :) or I may say it was perfect. I wouldnt have mind it at all , if we had to spend the whole night like that. ;)

____________________

I had talked with him in the morning, so he was still on my mind. I had always been telling him, that it wasnt to be wished for. I had told him before...but he dint stop there...

wo rastey sab khamosh they jo

uss bund gali ko jatey they...

.....if only he had listened...I was a dead end.

May be it isnt anything new for him, n probably for me too.

Yess, for me, its another aazmaish...

yet another aazmaish.

And I have to go through this one too.

I dont know why it gets tougher n tougher each time. Each time, someone tries to break into my realm, each time I have to save my soul, each time I survive, then again, to find another ordeal waiting for me, round the next corner.

Im a woman, for God's sake!

...It isnt no steel. it melts.....

n they know, that it does!

_____________________

When will I get Home???

Unscratched, Untouched...Whole hearted...

Will it ever be Delivered???

.....as I spent the whole journey looking out through my window, into the deep blanket of the sky,

I wished...I could wrap it all round myself...

I wished...it could take me into its depths...

I wished...it could hold me tight...all night.

a night of blessings

Its the eve of 15th Shaban...Shab-e-Ber'aat.
According to Islamic beliefs, tonight the angels are issued annual orders related to our lives; of birth, death, n the subsistence for the year to come, (as already written in the Loh-e-Mehfooz). Also, whatever we did last year is filed in our accounts.
This process starts from tonight, that is shaban 15, and ends at shab-e-qadr, in ramadam. Its also a night of great blessing & salvation, like Qadr. Prayers are answered and all those who repent and seek forgiveness are forgiven, except for those who believe in others than one God, n hold contempt in thier hearts.
its like tonight God says:

hum tou mael-ba-karam hain koi saail hi nahin

raah dikhlaain kisey, rahro-e-manzil hi nahin

... its an open invitation...hope i dont miss it.

_____________________________________________________
shaban: the 8th lunar month, before ramadan, one of the holiest months in Islam.
Shab-e-Baraat: the night of acquittance.
also called laila-tul-mubarika ( the night of blessings)~ the most blessed night after laila-tul-qadr.
Loh-e-Mehfooz: the book of devine knowledge, of fate.