YOUR sense of humour could be so sick...
i never knew...
now YOU've brought him back!
ha.ha.ha.....he... came back.
.
after i had killed n buried my baby in his grave,
just then...
.
...he... came back!
the only pulse...ever born in me,
the only heart...i truly felt for,
the only trick... i ever fell for
...is back.
.
why did i kill him?...
when he was all i ever wanted!
.
... only...for YOU!
when i see YOU, i forget him.
...when i see him, i forget YOU .
he's the fire, n YOUR the Light
in me.
n You know I always end up with YOU
.
YOU! there's always YOU between him n me!...

Dream sequence, continues...

...eyes swollen n empty, lips dry n chapped.

im still Asleep.

.

inconsequential thoughts prevail the mind.

world seems still Strange.

Headaches Remain.

.

inconsequential feelings Devour the heart, as...

it Sinks and Sulks.

.

they say; the world is the same,

they say; the life is same,

they say; everything is there in its place.

But,

Where am i?...

.

they dont answer.

n i dont know.

.

i do all chores, all day n lie on bed, all night.

.

i roam around the city,

all day all night,

randomly wondering,

through busy streets and empty alleys.

i Wonder alone.

.

i sink in my couch,

all day all night,

watching any scene that catches my eyes,

or reading any word that whispers in heart.

i Dream alone.

.

from here and there

i drift,

i glide,

where the wind takes me.

like a broken Feather...

i am everywhere, n

No where.

.

...i lost my bird

.

...i lost my will.

.

my will,

my love,

my passion,

my god,

my only sanity

...died its own death.

.

while i stood there and watched.

.

now, its an empty temple.

where the bhagats still sing,

and bells still ring,

but the diety has left.

.

i am Free...free as in all its sense.

.

i Dont wanna wake up.

i still Dream.

.

Insane, i Remain.

.

like my love, i expect this dream,

to make me sick

...so sick that it too,

dies its own death.

.

i want to see its limits,

Limits of my Insanity

..... in the hope

... of seeing god,

again.

.

Insane, i Remain.

The lost Tag

whats the world coming to???
On Friday, September 16, 2005 Kat had tagged me...:[ ...n ever since then, ive been trying to fill it up. i somehow felt obliged, so wanted to do it but, but as it appears, tags are not my thing.
i think today im gonna complete it, for once n all.

5 years ago: year 2000: i was a loony teen, nurd n nieve. n was finally getting settled in lahore for five straight years, *phew! (something practically unimaginable for a nomad like me.)
1 year ago: year 2004: revolutionary. life, career, goals, realtions, everything was redefined. i was like electrocuted. also, that was the year when i found many new media to express, though the style dint change, but my methaphors, similes, cliches n abstractions, just found some new faces. overall, it was a Fun year.
5 songs i know all the words to: aaaaa all the words? ... sorry! 8[ ...i mean i listen to music n sing songs almost all the time, but it just happens that i can never remember the whole lyrics.
5 Snacks i enjoy: ice cream with nuts crunch n fruits, bakery chips, fries with colslaw n ketchup, chocolate soufles/fudge/puddings/cup cakes, paapdi chaat, dahi puri... m, i guess its more than 5 , but... thats the way it is :p
5 Things I'd do with $100 million dollars: gimme some more n ill buy a couple of oil fields in the middle-east. its IN, u know! 8-)
hmm... :-? ...on an extremely serious note, i'll spend 5% on my firm n workshop, give 5% to my parents, 10% to my siblings, save 40% for my kids, n the rest would go to Eidhi.
5 places i would run away to: kalaash, hunza, small town or any countryside in europe, nana ji's, n Kaaba.
5 things I would never wear: blue contacts, beard, naval ring, monkey caps, n those dresses to kill ;)
5 favorite TV shows: whose line is it anyway, everybody loves raymond, funniest animals on animal planet, marathon cooking shows on bbc food, gardening n remodelling shows on bbc prime.
5 greatest joys: helping, exploring, resolving, dreaming, n family.
5 favorite toys: tv remote, P.C., points n lines, camera, n my lil nephews.
5 more victims: dawn, reedemer-x, twice translated, vix, von aurum
hahaha, i wish i could tag you guys, but after experiencing it myself, i declare this tag closed. :p
(anyway, if any of you happen to pass by here in any near future, n would like to fill the tag, you know your more than welcome)

*phew!*.....ahhhhh!..... at last.

Your L.o.v.e ???

OK, if i take a Poet, as the most romantic, the most passionate, n the most promising Lover, there could be...

Is there a Poet, who married for love n for the rest of his life, wrote all his poems n ghazals for his beloved wife ?

Can a Man really Stay in Love for that Long ?

...where one flame dies, another begins...Where does it go Wrong ?

Is Love just an esctatic Thought ? ...an excuse ?...an Escape ?

P.S. You say...for Love??? ...i'll buy it for faith, i'll buy it for honour, but not for this.

love ! n live !

"Whether it's another person or loving an activity or a piece
of art or nature, love is all about connecting."

_( Professor Marc Cohen, founding professor of complementary
medicine at RMIT University, said in his address to the International Conference
on Healthy Ageing and Longevity )

read more...

travel notes

I had to be in Rawalpindi for the weekend, so last night was spent in a road trip. We usually avoid going through the motorway when the sun's up, because of its being so hot n deserted, but to avoid night traffic, we took it last night. The four hour journey turned out quite good.....speeding on a clear road, with a clear night sky outside, n music inside, it was nice. :) or I may say it was perfect. I wouldnt have mind it at all , if we had to spend the whole night like that. ;)

____________________

I had talked with him in the morning, so he was still on my mind. I had always been telling him, that it wasnt to be wished for. I had told him before...but he dint stop there...

wo rastey sab khamosh they jo

uss bund gali ko jatey they...

.....if only he had listened...I was a dead end.

May be it isnt anything new for him, n probably for me too.

Yess, for me, its another aazmaish...

yet another aazmaish.

And I have to go through this one too.

I dont know why it gets tougher n tougher each time. Each time, someone tries to break into my realm, each time I have to save my soul, each time I survive, then again, to find another ordeal waiting for me, round the next corner.

Im a woman, for God's sake!

...It isnt no steel. it melts.....

n they know, that it does!

_____________________

When will I get Home???

Unscratched, Untouched...Whole hearted...

Will it ever be Delivered???

.....as I spent the whole journey looking out through my window, into the deep blanket of the sky,

I wished...I could wrap it all round myself...

I wished...it could take me into its depths...

I wished...it could hold me tight...all night.

a night of blessings

Its the eve of 15th Shaban...Shab-e-Ber'aat.
According to Islamic beliefs, tonight the angels are issued annual orders related to our lives; of birth, death, n the subsistence for the year to come, (as already written in the Loh-e-Mehfooz). Also, whatever we did last year is filed in our accounts.
This process starts from tonight, that is shaban 15, and ends at shab-e-qadr, in ramadam. Its also a night of great blessing & salvation, like Qadr. Prayers are answered and all those who repent and seek forgiveness are forgiven, except for those who believe in others than one God, n hold contempt in thier hearts.
its like tonight God says:

hum tou mael-ba-karam hain koi saail hi nahin

raah dikhlaain kisey, rahro-e-manzil hi nahin

... its an open invitation...hope i dont miss it.

_____________________________________________________
shaban: the 8th lunar month, before ramadan, one of the holiest months in Islam.
Shab-e-Baraat: the night of acquittance.
also called laila-tul-mubarika ( the night of blessings)~ the most blessed night after laila-tul-qadr.
Loh-e-Mehfooz: the book of devine knowledge, of fate.

mirror

when i forget my self, i look in to a mirror, mirror of my soul !...i look in to Your Eyes.

Life gets a LIFE_ when we Relate, when we Belong

dull n bright, i could see all that. warmth n cold, i could feel all that. right n wrong, i could think all that. i had everything...i had a life.

but that was a secret...unsaid, unheard, untouched, unfelt.

_

it was'nt a big deal. Everyone around, more or less, could also see, could also feel, could also think. i wasnt Unique.

nor could my life make any difference in the world...like making it a better place to live, or whatever.

n so i thought: why unveil it? why share it?...or should i say why exhale it?...why exhale?

you know, i know, its not oxygen anyway.

so, i kept it to myself, unsaid, unheard, untouched, unfelt, untill.....

_

oneday, i exhaled.....spilled out the secret__the not-so-extraordinary, the not-so-substantial, n the quite-blah blah...that i had. adding one more voice to the noise, i spoke...broke the shell, n reached out.

_

they dint hear me n they dint stop. the crowd dint turn around to look at me. But, a Face did...

n as our eyes met; spirits Resonated.....for i Belonged.

Kevin Thom

i just came across this photographer, while searching for something else. the last image i posted; hands_compel was also one of his beautiful works. its concept was so sublime that i just fell in love with it instantly. i found his work quite inspiring. most of his images are like that, i.e., beyond photography.

.......

from a pragmatic person , ive turned in to a highly emotional being. this year transformed me completely. may be im sick. i never lost my focus like this before.

right now i feel lonely, i wanna talk endlessly, insanely, about nothing n everything...like a stupid chatter box. not that i dont do it at all, but its not enough, n there isnt really anybody else except my mother who approves of my childish endeavors, shes fun, but still i cant say all that rubbish to her, shes mom afterall. : n friends...hm they're all so grown ups, busy meeting deadlines, earning bucks , we hardly get the time now to get together n share our lives.

he's a friend too, but one thing about him always repelled me. i feel that he always trys to prove things, to himself, n to others, though modest on the outside, he does things for the sake of achievement. may be im taking it all wrong, but i ve never felt comfortable with him for that. may be its just my cynicism against name n fame.

when ever nana jee calls he asks me about just everything, including, the trick question, what type of a guy i want...then he'd tell me about the wonderful guys he woudve met, n everything else my mom had told him. im just as clueless as him. i havnt met anybody , whom i could spend the rest of my life with. to love is easy, but to bear it, is the toughest part. compatibility is a serious issue, when it comes to sharing life, practically.

You

Who are You ?... You're an inspiration, a thought, a heart....i need not know anything else about You. thats the only interest i have in You.
What do i get from You ?... no word, no deed, but Your intention...as long as it is there.
What do i give inreturn ?... nothing, but the same.
...thats how i relate to You.

P.S. i've said it before, loud n clear , when You thought it was just 'beautiful'. so i repeat. if You still have doubts.....some time... You'll know.

Rubai: Omer Khayyam

For "IS" and "IS - NOT"
though with Rule and Line,
And "UP - AND - DOWN" without,
I could define,
I yet in all I only cared to know,
Was never deep in anything but...Wine.

_(rendered in English verse by Edward Fitzgerald)

P.S.: while going through some old stuff, i found this. i dont wanna know why but i feel its true.

offlines

*silent*

i dont wanna know... so im drunk. so the time flies.
my sensors are sore, my processor; exhausted. no more food for thought. silence! (excuse me please! *...out of order*.)

insha

Ferz karo hum ahl-e-wafa hoan, Ferz karo deewaney hoan
Ferz karo ye donoan batain jhooti hoan, afsane hoan
Ferz karo ye jee ki biptaa, jee se jordh sunai ho
Ferz karo abhi aur ho baqi, aadhi hum ne chupai ho
Ferz karo tumhain khush karne ke dhoonde hum ne bahane hoan
Ferz karo yeh nain tumharey sach much ke mai-khaney hoan
Ferz karo yeh roag ho jhuta, jhuti peet hamari ho
Ferz karo is peet ke roag main sans bhi hum pe bhari ho
Ferz karo ye joag bajog ka hum ne dhong rachaya ho
Ferz karo bas yehi haqeqat, baqi sab kuch maya ho

dekh meree jaan keh gaye Baahoo: "kaun diloan ki janey 'hoo' ?
bastee bastee sehra sehra, lakhoan karein diwaney 'hoo'
jogee bhi jo nager nager mein marey marey phirtey hain
kaasa liye bhabhot' ramaye sab k duarey phirtey hain
shair bhee jo meethee bani boal k mann ko hertey hain
banjarey jo oonchey damoan gee k saudey kertey hain
in mein sachey motee bhi hain, in mein kanker pather bhi
in mein uthley paani bhi hain, in mein gehrey saager bhi
goree dekh k aagey berhna, sabb ka jhoota sacha, 'hoo'
doobney walee doob gayee, woh ghara tha jis ka kacha, 'hoo' "

P.S: jo wasf ibne insha k qalaam mein hai, mein ney kahin aur nahin paya. aisa kharaa andaaz-e-bayan, k shairee ka gumaan nahin hota, aisee seedhi baat k jis peh sab batein khatm hojain, sach ki aisee tasalle sirf ibn-e-insha k alfaaz mein miltee hai.

insha ki batein aaj phir bohat yaad aain.

haan! khwahish hai! .....jitnee khwahish dil-o-jaan se chahney ki hai...utnee hi... shiddat se chahey jaaney ki bhi hai!
haan! maanga hai! .....koi sauda nahin, mager moujzaye qudratt!

kahin un zabbt k maroan ko ikhtiaar nahin.
kahin chhalakti nigahoan ka aitibaar nahin.
.....bai-khudi dhoondtey hain hum kesi???...

P.S. aik adhoora khayal. aik uljhan. kuch sawal, jo dil-o-dimaagh pe haavi hain... aur hum jawab k muntazir...

a poem by Iqbal Haider

*
aa_iinaa hairaan hai aur aasmaa.N rone ko hai
is tamaash_gaah me.n ab aur kyaa hone ko hai
*
kashtagaan-e-dard ko jaa.N kii amaa.N kaise mile
zindagii kii har duaa apanaa sar khone ko hai
[kashtagaan-e-dard = pain that starts and stops/intermittent pain][amaa.N = protection]
*
niind ke maare kisii sapane kii Khvaahish kyaa kare.n
har gha.Dii mahasuus hotaa hai sahar hone ko hai
*
kis ke naqsh-e-paa ko samajhe.n apanii manzil kaa nishaa.N
jhaag u.Daatii mauj aakar har nishaa.N dhone ko hai
[naqsh-e-paa = footprints; jhaag = foam; mauj = wave]
*
kaash ye ko_ii sitaaraa yaa ko_ii juganuu kahe
har andheraa kah rahaa hai roshanii hone ko hai
*
ai havaa-e-be-yaqiinii gul na kar ghar ke charaaG
chand lamho.n ko Thahar jaa kuchh na kuchh hone ko hai
[chand = few]

Education Against All Odds:_ Karachi, Pakistan. A community initiated school in the slums of Karachi, much like the initial school that the Bright Education Society set up, is being held at dusk in a mosque courtyard....(more ...) http://www.partnershipwalk.org/usa/content/featured_sections/faf/educationagainstallodds.html

devil's insane birthday bash

A few days ago, when we were already broken n peniless after paying the summer dues, our devil got born.
Previously, she had been playing all her dirty practical jokes on us on our birthdays, and we the angels couldn't come up with anything cruel enough to pay her back.....So, we planned to miss her birthday altogether, n pretended that we had forgotten.

Just when she got totally disappointed in us yesterday, after waiting for two long weeks, we gave her a surprise today.

We had planned for a lunch treat that turned in to a merathon celebration. Thanks to the monsoon, once it rained we couldnt wait. Bunked classes n started off with a wonderful breakfast in liberty. Enjoying our halwa puris with the drizzle outside, it was just heaven...mmm...

Once it started, it dint stop there. Afterwards, we also watched a new movie; meera's "koi tujh sa kahan" ;) window-shopped all the boutiques n gift shops in fortress, harassed people, got to ride that 3d roller coaster at sindbad, stuffing ourselves with occasional junk; shami burgers, fries, salads, paratha rolls, icecreams, waghera waghera...ultimately we ended up being kachra-shakes ourselves.

ohhh! that was exhausting!

P.S.:

(not to mension, all retards bought a few yucky things from there, too. like stinky sprays, rubber thingies n this icky squishy mouse whose been sneaking around my things,since then. *ahm*.....Its disgusting, I know.)

(webcam images)

knock! knock! ...I there?

Ive spent the whole last week, doing nothing. Just couldnt get to work...made a few useless sketches, but just coudnt get to draw anything seriously. the time is running out, I know. I cant afford being my sloppy self this time, I know. Its my last shot, I know. But, knowing is one thing and realizing is another. isnt it?

Its like Im wandering in another space, while life still there on earth. Im stuck up some place else.....hmmm... do i know of it?.....

But thats not the issue, the problem is.....im happy there. :-[

May God Save My Soul!

The Clue to Real Life & IQBAL's Poetry. II

*
mann ki daulat haath aatee hai tou phir jaatee nahin

tann ki daulat chhaoo[n] hai aata hai dhann, jata hai dhann

*

the wealth of soul is never lost.

the wealth of body, is like a shade; money never stays.

*

mann ki dunia mein na paya mein ney afrangee ka raaj

mann ki dunia mein na dekhey mein ney sheikh-o-Berhaman

*

in the world of soul, I dint find any British rule

in the world of soul, I dint see any Sheikh and Brahmin.

(The soul’s world has no place for tyrants & subjects, for clash between the so-called nobles & humbles; no wealth, no power. the only standard of greatness; humanity)

.............

*
paani paani ker gayee mujh ko qalander ki yeh baat

tou jhuka jab ghair k aagey na mann taira na tann

*

qalander embarrased me by saying:

incline to a stranger; you lose your soul, you lose your body.

(lose yourself, become his slave)

______________________________

qalander= The dauntless, the free thinker.

jhuka=bowed, submitted, inclined. ghair=the outsider, the third person, unrelated person, the stranger, one who does not know you.

The Clue to Real Life & IQBAL's poetry

*

apney mann mein doob ker paa ja suraagh-e-zindagee

too ager mera nahin banta na bann, apna tou bann

*

take the plunge, in to your soul, and seek life.

dont be true to me; be true to your self.

______________________________

mann=heart, soul, mind. suraagh= trace, clue, seek, discover. zindagee = life.

God has given every individual has a soul, that can reason and feel whats right and whats wrong. Dont listen to what others say, listen to your self. it will guide you your way. Self-respect, originality & individualism are the only ways to a true life.

*

mann ki dunia? mann ki dunia soz-o-masti, jazb-o-shauq

tann ki dunia? tann ki dunia sood-o-sauda, makr-o-fann

*

The world of Soul?...its the world of agony, ecstasy, absorption and passion.

The world of Body?...its the world of profit & loss, purchase & bargain, deceit & craft.

______________________________

soz = , burning, grief, misery, suffering. masti = intoxication, ecstasy. jazb = absorption, trance, contemplation. shauq = yearning, passion

tann = body, material, carnal, temporal, mundane, profane, secular. sood = interest, advantage, profit n loss. sauda = bargain, perchase. makr = artifice, craftiness, cheating, pretence, fraud. fann = art, skill, craft.

________________________________________________

P.S.

The above two couplets are one of my all time favourites from Sir IQBAL's poetry. They are taken from his book "Bal-e-Jibril" (Gabriel's Wing). Actually, a few days back I heard Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan singing these verses in an old PTV concert, and it brought back all the spirit of IQBAL to me. It was wonderful!

Every time, its a rediscovery of meaning and thought. i have just translated them word to word, so that anyone can make his own understanding. There are also some links to art works here, you may find them intresting... at least i did :). I'll be posting some more of IQBAL soon. Till then, inhale!...

must say...

to my friend...

we both are different, we're both difficult
we're both fragile, we're both tender
_we'll hurt each other!

you expect something, i expect someother
i need one thing, you need another
_we'll disappoint each other!

still
i'll respect you, n you'll respect me
i'll forgive you, n you'll forgive me

that is our bond. this is our strength.
...to let you know.

we both have "hearts", we both know that
we both are "pure", thats all we know.
_____________________________

from your friend...

we're poles apart, our lives have changed
we've lost touch, we've grown apart
but
my heart's still there, still there for you
to remind you again, so, i must say;

no matter i get it, or get it not
i "listen" anyway.
i'll listen _ tell me!

no matter it helps, or helps it not
i "help" anyway.
i'll help _ call me!

you'r not ok, you need to say,
i need to know
please_ trust me!
_____________________________

P. S. (...Beens ! i miss you...worried about you, i'll see you soon, InshaAllah. _ flick_)

insanely me

im quiet. i want to say something , but word dont come... may be all i need is a true word of love and respect, but i doubt that.

i hate "admirers". ive become so sarcastic about it that as soon as a man starts flattering me, his words just tear my heart. im sick of it. it feels like there all dogs out there, who just wanna have a peace of me. thats the only part i hate about being a woman, that your gonna be chased all your life.

i dont want to be fancied, anymore.

a blank verse

equation of Perception
_Unveiling the truth _raising some curtains
________________________________

when i see...
i see YOU.
then a curtain is raised.
and i SEE again...
this time, its not YOU...
i see a SOUL.
another curtain is raised,
and i see MYSELF...
looking into a mirror.
now...
i love , i care, i feel, like for myself.
im home. its peace.
and there, i SEE again
its GOd. not me.
________________________________
P.S. : to resolve conflicts and make peace inside out, i need to see it all, from all possible veiwing posts, from all angles. i need all the eyes i can get to see the truth, n let no curtain be there to stop me from doing it... no curtain of fear, no weaknesses, no impotency, no hunger, no greed, no 'I's and no 'YOU's.
the stabbing of truth feels better than feeling of emtiness devouring my soul. i can live with the truth. but i cant live with a hole in my heart.

Laura lee K. Harris

link

http://www.lauraleekharris.com/fitin.html

saying "NO"

Giving is the most natural human respose. But when it comes to negative responses, its like rowing against the flow, or climbing uphill against gravity.

Saying no to jerks is easy. But its the most difficult task when theres a real gem of a person on the other side, a precious soul, a great human. Then it becomes like climbing up the Everest.

Today...I did that... Im sorry...I had to.

.....

May GOD bless us all. HE surely is the real ,n the only BENEFACTOR.

...of sweet dreams ( kafoor khwaab)

something so sweet was coming to an end, i just wished i could hold on to it for a few more moments. i was scared. i knew its time was up. but u see i just dint want to let it go. it is so natural. isnt it? :)

now, its rise n shine! but the dream has left a smile on my lips. :) ... enough to last me through another day ;)

as i was going through it, i scribbled a few lines. they might sound sentimental, but that was the moment for it! :DD, n its just the whole truth of it. i cant help it. like it or not, iv gotta say it. 8)

kafoor khwaab

~^~

kal din cherdhey tak bister mein

nenoan ko meechey letee thee

...

kahin nenn khuley... tou nenoan se

na khwaab ka panchi urd jaye...

saanchi kirnoan ki aanch se na

kahin mann ka jhoota deep bujhey

...kahin yun na ho, k nenn khuley

nenn khuley...aur preet dhaley...

...

bas... iss der mein,

damm saadh k wo,

nenoan ko meechey letee thee,

dou band kivardhoan k neechey,

panchi ko bheenchey bethee thee.

_______________

_flick_7th july/2005

undercurrents of the monologue

Ive been in the process of waking up from a dream. While I was away, I scribbled a few lines, hope they make some sense.

_

Yen

*

Losing a Hold.....

Its Slipping Through

Hand,

Got Breaths on a String;

...a Silken Strand

*

So Close, So Far,

...a Fond Figure;

Like Melting Shadow

...on Misty

Mirror

*

Illusion, Mirage, or real

Ecs'tasy;

All Lanterns of

Yen,

All Glint of Glee.....

_ flick, /June 29, 2005

The blog: Ticking again!

...hmmm, it has been a while since I stopped talking even to myself. The closure phase isnt over yet, but I guess the mood has changed. And, change is what I need now.

Enough of the procrastinating, its time to kick some butts (& bhattis) ;)

So I guess, I'll keep scribbling , occasionally, till things start making some sense. :) wish me luck!

monologue: officially closed.

I'd been thinking about it for a long time. Actually, it was never really meant to be here in the first place. Still, a dear friend inspired and encouraged me to write something. I wrote. So, every simple word on this "monologue" has just been plain "me".
The issues i wanna resolve through this, remain there. The purpose of this monologue was to move towards a blog, but since I still chose to talk to the walls, :) it isnt going anywhere.
As this is the last post from this log, i would like to thank my friend, n all the rest who read , n appreaciated whenever n what ever i scribbled. :) thanks for your kindness n patience . ;)
cheers!

since i have'nt been able to connect. I still feel like a lost soul hanging in space. if Im not here to buy n sell, I dont know what im here for. This is the world, a fish market. I still resent tht. I still refuse to entertain the crowd. I still think that my life, my dreams, my spirits, n me, are not to be displayed. Im still an island, i have my own world, n im not willing to give up on that. it isnt like i dont care about people, i do, infact i can give them anything i have, except for myself.
Ive failed to share that.

another quote

Chantal thinks:
I've become the erotic idol of a beggar. What an honour!
Then she corrects herself:
why should a beggar's desire be any less worthy of respect than those of a businessman? Since they're hopeless, the beggar's desires have one feature thats beyond price: they are free and sincere.

_from "Identity" by Milan Kundera

*

random quotes

• "no love can survive muteness"

  "we can reproach ourselves for some action, for a remark, but not for a
  feeling, quite simply because we have no control at all over it."

  "we tend to overvalue sexuality. "

  pain doesnt listen to reason, it has its own reason,
  which is not reasonable."

  "...,the best way to spend a life here is to let
  yourself be carried along, as I am at this moment, by a cheerful, noisy crowd
  moving forward."

  
  

_Milan Kundera, from Identity.

? Pearl

by Cyn McCurry

also at Art Quotes

Oyster

like an

oyster
scribbling on the sands
n getting washed away

each time,
with the waves too,
whispering by,
they stir

& go...

as there I lie...

still muted... deaf ... & blind.

_flick_

Stagnated

ab path^er hi de maro!
hul chal tou hogee paida,
in thehray panioon mein

_flick_

photography: Jackie Dormer

Mufti's Aitraaf

Two days back when I started this book "Kahi Na Jaye" the first thing that struck me, was these forewords by Mufti himself.
Here, the "uch'chal" hes talking about is the ishq the real essence of life.
As he says it:

...
mujhey aitraaf hai k:

"dil ki baat jo ghut'tey gut'tey moa tak aaye, kahi na jaye"
....
lakin Mumtaaz Mufti jaisey takhliqkaar ko ab tak aatish-e-namrood ki bhatti se guzer jana chahiye tha.

tou aye sherminda sahil
uch'hal ker be-karaan hoja "_ _ _"

mujhey afsoas hai k mein apni ana ki sulgayee hoee bhatti se nikal na saka.
mujh mein uch'chal paida na ho saki k bekaraan hojata.

(_ Aitraaf , from Kahi Na Jaye by Mumtaz Mufti)

I just love the whole concept of being passionate enough to break the chains of ego, be thyself, n set the soul free.

couplet of the day

"yeh alag qaid k hain tairey dukhoan se aazaad
yeh alag dukh hai k hum kyun nahin zangeer hoaye"

by Sabir Zafer
courtesy: Mohib

Koo Jeong-a

http://secession.at/art/2002_e.html

eyes to lips
shine
all the way
it must have been
a sunny day

_flick_

howdy do?

:))))))))))))) fine! no low lows, no high highs. jussst fine! ;)
living like a princess...how bad can it be? ;) ... to earn a life, nothing to sell, nothing to buy.
haha!...it feels great! ;)

shayad k is terha hi

ander k andheroan se

nikal ker,

sooraj ki zameen waloan ki dunia mein

gher banaoon.

khush-rang

khanaktey hoay

in khokhley rishtoan ki ladee mein hi,

piro loan khod ko.

.

shayad...

.

shayad k is terha hi,

andheroan k chamaktey hoye

rangeen saveroan mein,

ik aur andheray ko

mita paoon,

"bhool jaoon",

ander k andheroan se

nikal aaon.

_flick_

doggie handles

handling dogs? no problem! ;)

"Legends of the Hair Fall"

Max Levine

http://www.temple.edu/photo/basic/fall04/week7/hair.html

oh! tender heart

they "cold eyes", you tender heart

their touch caught you off guard

you tossed n turned till it turned you

in to... a "glistening shard"

_flick_

maya

vanishing potion

vanishin in to thin air;

tell me if theres a potion

ill turn in to dew drops

n merge in to the ocean

_flick_

a similar expression

I found this painting of Irving tonight, n amazingly it appears to be holding the same expression that ive tried to render in the "untitled" (previous post),

so I suppose it is "the title" for it :)

'keep your "eyes" off me!'

(The Woman with a Shadow,46 X 48 Inches,Acrylic on Canvas by L. L. Irving)

http://lila-lewis-irving.abbozzogallery.com/lewis-irving-works.htm

untitled

your "lights" hurt my eyes

your "eyes" hurt my soul

your "wish" tears my heart

therein, makes a hole

_flick_

let me go!

i wish i were unseen

i wish i were unheard

i wish i were unfelt

i wish i were unknown

i wish...oh!,let me be!

i wish...oh! let me go!

_flick_

http://www.picturejungle.com/store/itemdetail.asp?id=60954

oops!

: I lost my tempolate :(((((((((((((((((
mmmmmmmmmmmmm , my dear old template :(((((((((

...me. :( today!

ahm

this was me, two days back.

whatever!

I myself dont really know the truth of it,( or may be I dont wanna know). Still, this moment, I couldnt come up with any thing else, thats it, n thats all. I-)

theher gayee, samey k dhaaray per
bohat be-rabt si ik saans,
...aur kuch taabeerein

_flick_

Of the Friend, the Hermit, n Me

the bigger the crowd is getting around me, the more Im turning in to a loner. (I hope no body who knows me there, reads me here). at least for sometime, I can be with myself, I can even cry, while no ones watching :D

Past few days have been like out of a soap opera :D n how much I hate it, I know. The sane me hardly ever lets out that tragedy queen inside. Though I get involved in every moment, n every thought. These days Im just reading , listening, feeling, which obviously means an overdose of peotry, thoughts n ghazals. 8) Im just chewing over random stuff. cant get my energies to work. Im just so drained, so quiet. Also, I dont want "them" to know this hermit, so better get over it soon. ;)

"I and Me are always two earnestly in conversation with one another: how could it be endured, if there were not a friend?

For the hermit the friend is always the third person: the third person is the cork that prevents the conversation of the other two from sinking to the depths.

Alas, for all hermits there are too many depths. That is why they long so much for a friend and for his heights.

our faith in others betrays wherein we would dearly like to have faith in ourselves. Our longing for a friend is our betrayer."

(from: Of The Friend, Zarathustra's Discourses, by F. Nietzsche)

...

"spring has sprung" as they say in the blue house.

...

Im a hard nut to crack , but once cracked, all squishy mooshy ;)

I wonder if I never had this strength to me, how would I'v survived with all this critical sensitivity. I thank God that I can still manage to think straight, afterall, no matter what temptations, no matter how slippery it gets. I thank God for making me whatever a hard nut I am :D . Also, I thank God , for giving me such loving relations. Its thier prayers that really keep me safe, or I wouldv lost it long time ago.

Another thing Iv noticed these days is that Im getting more superstitious. I believe every wish , every emotion, every strong feeling, has a power to it, so strong that at times it cant help but effecting the concerned person, as they say:

dil se jo aah nikaltee hai, asr rakhtee hai

nahin hai taqat-e-perwaaz mager , per rakhtee hai

(yeah yeah I may have screwed this couplet a lil bit ;) but still, it is something like that, u know)

If there are prayers, there are curses too; duaa, badua, aah, nazer, all are there. These are all subject to our deeds, the way we treat people, the way we touch thier hearts, and consequently the way they inturn feel about us.

Unintentionally, or not knowingly, I might have hurt people, or have made them feel bad, for reasons what so ever. (I pray it never happens again). But, the love of my loved ones has always been greater than that, it shielded me from every blow.(Alhamdolillah). Thier prayers have been my safeguard always. I pray it ramain like that forever...and I pray I never lose thier warm touch, ever...

Rubaiyat of Umer Khayyam

There was a Door
to which I found no Key:
There was a Veil past
which I could not see:
some little talk awile of Me and Thee
There seem'd -- and then no more
of Thee and Me.
*

For in and out, above, about, below,
'Tis nothing but a Magic Shadow-show,
Play'd in a Box
whose Candle is the Sun,
Round which we Phantom Figures
come and go.
*

And if the Wine you drink,
the Lip you press
End in the Nothing all Things
end in -- Yes --
Then fancy while Thou art,
Thou art but what
Thou shalt be -- Nothing --
Thou shalt not be less.
*

...Of Relations n Ransoms

… he was there with all his longing heart ..... but, she was not. To all her sorrow, she saw it coming, but he did'nt.

Why every realation whatsoever does tries to hold you for ransom?
Heart: I don’t know why it can’t work without the longings n desires. Why does it always have to kill the goose? Why does it always have to get greedy, to hold? Don’t know why it hardly lets the spirit share for no reasons…when it’s not to be possessed, when it’s just to be shared.

..... and so, a spirit departed … and so, she lost a friend.

generations

"kal aur aaj" at our service,

(baba g now retired, used to be our very own "the 10" bicep man", when we had just joined the gang, n he had just won the "mr archi contest", among all those he-men n hunks. :D... )

The shy girl

...

hm, i dont feel like talking, the last two days have been nerve wrecking, no escape, no rest, no meals, just a single samosa to last me through the day :( , working from 9 am to 11 pm, rushing from office to university...

... ohh God! those four long hours of waiting for a single drawing to get plotted, n still in vain, I returned home at 11:30 pm with no master plan drg., n no hopes lefts for the presentation next morning. : It was really a nightmare. ive been through tough times , but this time it was unbelivable, literally hardluck for me.

but thanx God , finally I had my turn at 6:30 pm today, n it went well. all over now. hmmmmmmmmmm thanx nana, thanx mom, for being there all this time, for all your prayers, n mom for your "damm ka pani" :) . you never let me go out without it haina? :) "pani pi k jana! chotee ko bhi kehna pee le! wahin na pada reh jaye! bhoolna nahin!!!"

"aaj ki duaan"

(a moment of parayers)

"But none is granted it save those who are steadfast, and none is granted it save the owner of great happiness. "(chapter: 41,verse: 35: )

"If Allah touch thee with affliction, none can remove it but He; if He touch thee with happiness, He hath power over all things. " (Chapter: 6, Verse: 17:)

"And as for man, when his Lord tries him, then treats him with honor and makes him lead an easy life, he says: My Lord honors me. "(Chapter: 80, Verse: 25)

"For the unbelievers, anything but easy." (Chapter: 74, Verse: 10)

"He said: O my Lord! Expand my breast for me,

And make my affairs easy for me,

And loose the knot from my tongue,

(That) they may understand my word;"(chapter: 20, verses: 25, 26, 27, 28)

The Holy Quran

amazingly pathetic!

huh! life, your so mean. again u played a trick on me. where do i go? where to turn to? what a life! the more I try to simplify, the more complex it gets. ahh the miracle, when it was to happen it never did..... and now... its like when theres a pizza delivery on a wrong address. It isnt yours, but you dont even have the heart to turn it away. It seems like im losing mysense of humour now.

ik dua, derd ki bhi

i was having some random thoughts, so just jotted them down... :)

"wo aisa soz jo de derd, phir dava bhi karey
wo aisa saaz, jo thamey, tou khamashee mein dhaley
*
wo aisa safr-e-natamman, jo rukey na baney
wo aisa dasht, jo guzrey tou saibaan utrey
*
wo aisa asr ho, k khud se be-aser ker de
wo aisa sehr, jo tootey tou moujaza nikley"

_flick_

mausam (the missing season)

(the original)................................

hope II

in true colors

hope

in black n white

shaam

...at the hussaini headworks

oh god! chacha gee! :D, you rock!

after reading this, in yesterdays paper, i just coudnt help laughing , and it kept me smiling the whole day
_________________________________________________________________
From:
Dancing in the desert
DIARY OF A VAGABOND (Magazine,DAWN,Sunday,March, 27, 2005)
by:
Mustansar Hussain Tarar
"Saeen Tarar, there is a limit to indecency, may Allah forgive fer, look at her closely. She is hardly wearing anything and the way she is shaking her body, Toba Toba!" , the pious Pakistani gentleman squatting next to me touched his ear lobes.
"Sir it is great sin to look at half-naked females, so do not look," I suggested.
"Saeen, I have paid a lot of dirhams to look at her so I have to look."

In the desert night, in front of our tent a belly dancer's slim body convylsed as she was going to have a fit of uncontrolable delight. This was the climax of the famous desert safari, ...Dubai. ___

___ After sometime he asked me, "Tarar Saeen tell me, is this dancer a Muslim?"
" Your guess is as good as mine, what if she is?"
"Toba Toba! saeen, a muslim girl dancing half-naked is shameful, she should be properly clad."
"I totally agree," I was rather enjoying the company of this intresting gentleman.
"Why dont you go up to the lady and cover her with your ajrak?"
"Do you think I should do it?" he became thoughtful.
"It is your duty as a good Muslim," I encouraged him though he did not need any encouragement being so high spirited. "You will be blessed on the day of judgement for this noble act."
He took off his ajrak and held it in front of him like a matador advancing towards a bull. "I would cover hernakedness so help me God," he went towards the belly dancer with resolute determination and when he was face to face with her and everyone was waiting that he will cover her with his ajrak, a totally unexpected thing happened; instead of performing his noble duty, he threw away the ajrak with a shout of "Ya Allah", and started dancing with her in pure ecstacy!

The next day I was leaving Dubai for Lahore and there in the desert night, a righteous Pakistani was dancing with the belly dancer forgetting that he had gone theer to clad her properly.

advice

(better keep a note of it for myself too, as i keep forgetting it all the time.

":). we are in the same boat. i know, its been too long, my patience is running out too. i worry, then i hope, i worry n hope again, its the way its gonna be, till it ends, as they all say, its a phase n its gonna end. inshaallah, n a happy ending it would be "

..... i was saying it to some one else.

...

hm, I was just thinking, how would I pass through this night... when it started to pour, poured for a while, n stopped. ..... now I hear a few clouds roaring somewhere up there. .....silence, there is, now again.....n my heart skips a beat, again.
Whats going on up there?..... I cant hear anything, not even a word, whispers are all I hear. Is there some conspiracy going on about me?
...It is so quiet. what do i do? should I cry, n let this pain off me ? or should I wait?... n see...
Im tired of this uncertainity. Its like waiting for a life sentence. Its like hanging up in space. Oh God! please o'God! set me free!
Birth n death, no one knows the time, when its gonna come, still when its about time, we just know. Same is the case with marriage
... n its about time. Its about time I start a new life... new beginnings, new meanings.
Im thinking. But what do i know? What can i know? Its still a gamble. The more I know, the more I get trapped. Retracing my steps, would be like breaking some hearts. But still if I really know "almost" everything ... still it is a gamble.
what can I do in a gamble?

...

hmmmmmmmmm :) its raining outside my window... n i can smell the earth...

mercury love

the more you'll run after it, the more it'll run away from you.
the more you'll try holding it, the more it'll slip away from you.
the only way you'll get it, will be, as a blessing.

(love quotes: by flick 8)

Love arranged

if u commit suicide with your family's help n support, its an arranged marriage.

if you arrange it all by yourself, its... a love marriage

(love quotes by flick 8)

do it yourself :

if dad says:
"beta! marry this cow"
you'll say:
"dad! how can u even think of marrying your own swan(son) to that cow? yuck!"
"your telling me to suicide?"
but
if
you yourself, someday,
happen to fall in love with a same cow or a bull, youll never think twice before "that" suicide.
thats called love. --- The Stupidipity.

(love fundas: by flick 8)

old bones

the older you get...the pickier you become.
least likely to compromise n thus "fall" in love.

(love quotes by flick 8)

young lovers

Young lovers are like arranged couples. not knowing each other, but the most eager to commit. ahhh!, the fascinations, its so strong, that it completely blinds them, n theyll make annny compromise, without even knowing it. ;)
people in love can do strange things. the wierder they are, the wierdest things they'll do , in the name of looooove.
Repent, later.

am i normal?

;) well just wanted to make sure. i took a test. n they say...

"You Are 30% Normal"

(Occasionally Normal)
You sure do march to your own beat...
But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all
You think on a totally different wavelength
And it's often a chore to get people to understand
_____________________________________
that isnt fair, im 70% normal. these test are all crap. why to i take them? :D

wanna try? ;)

...

i must be tense cause its written all over my face... in pink spots :
damn, i have pimples. this morning i woke up n i just coudnt believe the mirror. oh god, how much i hate achne. :((( i have got somethings on my mind, n now theres an extra load of this, too...)

btw iv heard, that if you get agitated by achne it gets even worse.
hmmm... hey pimple! so sweet of you!, . you should be preserved in a case than to spot my humble face. :DDD (leave me alone! for God's sake! :(
( i better increase my water intake.) hmmmmmmmmm

experience?

to learn from your mistakes, you have to make them first.

if u can, better learn from others', so that you save yourself some life.

(STD. quotes by flick 8)

...

http://paintings.name/artists/rumiana_koleva.php

...

...frodo eyes...http://www.janinejohnston.com/march-2003/galleries/sketchbook/sketch-1d.html

The Unsaid

it hurts you
it hurts me
your lips desert
my eyes haunting
holding up behind
a flood, a sea

ah! still we share!
then glee
and now,
this misery

(_flick_)

The Unanswered

if death parts us,
its a tragedy.
if cause unknown,
what would it be?
if death it were
i'd blamed the fate
but now its what?
not you, not me.
whose fault it is?
who is to blame?
no word, no wrong,
what broke us up?
..... so silently.
the life we shared,
the song we sang,
the bond we had,
... in vain... all plea.
oh friends we were!
sali, ash, n me.
what friends were we!
oh!... friends were we.
still we parted,
still we lost "us"
in hearts we know,

this loss,

this pain,

was never meant

.....to be.

(_flick_)

Parents: Fools, in Love...with us

yeah! we love our parents, but you know we have our own lives too, our dreams n our aspirations. n they dont understand.

ties breaking n family matters no more. their love thier support, all was for granted. they were obliged to do that. we used them n left them for good, to go about our own lives.

we disown the love weve got n run after the one we dont have.

values of love dont change, then how come we call one love n treat the other like nothing. are we blind of love now? or have we redifined it as it suits us?

..... "u know dad i love you!"...( yeah sure thats why i cant be there for you now. dont you get it? i dont need you any more.)

....." mom your the best!" ( but i better be out there looking for babes. so sorry im better off with my sweet-hearts, now.)

But these silly parents. still dont get it. still they feed us, when find us hungry. still, support us when we get weak. still cheer us, when we get low.

they must be madly in love with us.

what kind of love do they have for us? they should have left us on the streats, when we were born, n had gone about thier lives. dint my mom had her dreams. why did she forgot herself n pampered me? why is she so helpless? why is she so obliged to love me? is she really?

why should my mom n dad waste thier hard earned wealth on me, when they know im not gonna return that, even? why do i think my dad has to pay my bills or help me get started with my life, when im willing to do nothing for him?

children are like no profit-no return investment, be it an emotional one or a material investment, they r no good for nothing.

love begets love, but in our parents case this rule is not applicable, consider them unlucky, cause of us. poor souls! waste thier lives over nothing, called love.

some kids think parents have thier intrest in this material investment, that they do it for return. wow, seems like parents are fools again. they better had spend thier money in a stock market shares then spending on us. at least they wouldv gotten better returns. or they better had bought a puppy with thier money, at least he woudve given them some love.

.....its like, they love us and get a slap on the face for that.

in relations, in love, the profit-return is just love, i.e, simply being there for n caring for someone. and when they need it, lending them an ear, a shoulder, a heart.

the rules of love are the same, whether its your love affair or your realation with your parents.

the only favour and return for love is love itself.

what else can you give the ones who brought you in to this world n tenderly raised you from a helpless piece of meat in to a strong young man. accept it or not, you owe them your life. and if youll try to get even with them, youll run short of a life.

just be there for them, in happiness n in sorrow. pay them thier share of love... thats the least you could do.

For Heaven's Sake, My Heart!

by Khalil Jibran:

for heaven's sake, my heart, keep secret your love,

and hide the secret from those you see

and you will have better fortune.

he who reveals secrets is considered a fool;

silence and secrecy are much better for him

who falls in love.

for heaven's sake, my heart, if someone asks,

"what has happened?", do not answer.

if you are asked, "who is she?",

say she is in love with another

and pretend that it is of no consequence.

for heaven's sake, my love, conceal your passion;

your sickness is also your medicine becaue love

to the soul is as wine in a glass _ what you

see is liquid, what is hidden is its spirit.

for heaven's sake, my heart, conceal your troubles;

then, should the seas roar and the skies fall,

you will be safe.

.....

_ ANOKHA LAADLA _

http://www.actsofachievement.org.uk/2004/detail.php?EventID=20

anokha laadla

i had listened to this ghazal many times in early days. so dont really remember that very voice that i was used to . the only one i found available now , was Tina Sani's. hmmm..

http://www.raaga.com/channels/hindi/movie/G0000224.html

any way heres this song of the agony of burning desires.....

khelan ko maange chaaand re, Anokha laadla__kaisi anokhi baat re, Anokha laadla

tan ke ghao to bhar gaye daata

man ka ghao nahi bhar paata

jee ka haal samajh nahi aata

kaisi anokhi baat re, anokha laadla__khelan ko maange chand re, anokha laadla

pyaas bujhey kab ik darshan se

tan sulgey bas aik agan mein

man boley rakh lon main man mein

kaisi anokhi baat re, anokha laadla__khelan ko maange chand re, anokha laadla

jis pe na beeti woh kab janey

jag waley aaye samjhaney

pagal man koi baat na maney

kaisi anokhi baat re, anokha laadla__khelan ko maange chand re, anokha laadla

Love: Madness ~ Love: Secrets

What Love Become (Madness) ~ What Love Become (Secrets)
_paintings by Debora J. Bork
http://www.mofa.fsu.edu/flnat2003.html

in the words of Ghalib,

ISHQ MUJH KO NAHIN,VEHSHAT HI SAHI...
MAIREE VEHSHAT TAREE SHOHRAT HI SAHI

(You say) It is not love, be it madness _ My madness may be the cause of your fame
Apni Hasti He Se Ho Jo Kutch Ho _ Aa'gahee Gar Nahin Gaflat Hi Sahi
Whatever you are, it is due to your own being _ If that isnt known then be there ignorance

http://oldpoetry.com/oprintall/Ghalib%20Mirza%20Asadullah%20Khan

i just love this ghazal by ghalib, n this couplet has always haunted me. infact this whole concept of love n madness is so confusing.....like the point where dreams and realities cross over in time.

ahh how many times they do, n leave me perplexed...

secret ambitions

ah! mmmmmmmmm ssssoooooooo tired. ssoooo drained. oh my eyes! oh my neck!ohhhhh. aiehhh! this posture has ruined me. just sitting here in this damn chair, remids me of "the hunch back of notre dam". .is it gonna be my future?...

hm! hope not. :(((

. just saw the first prints of the project, im about to complete, hopefully. :) n it looks good :)))

though im gonna submit it tomorrow, incomplete, but... hope to manage the whole rendering n presentation thingys before the display n jury. InshaAllah.

:) hm, hope. they pick it.

i need all the luck n the stars n all the silent prayers youve got.

:)

times up! gtg!

( project bula raha hai,seetee baja raha hai! lalalal lalalal lalala)

TU HI TU

last night I happened to hear some wierd things about some realated people and thier lives, what they had expected from it, what they had planned, and what happened to all that.

How different we all are. Each soul is unique, each life is different. Still, each one has the same centre, the same centrifugal force that spins it in circles n circles, and that is Allah Almighty's Will. We think its our lives, our stories, what ever we do, what ever we say.

But its all His show, n His only.

So, I put it down in a few words.

tasveer mein bhi "Tu" hi "Tu"

tadbeer mein bhi "Tu" hi "Tu"

*

"wo" hai tou bas ta-shaoor

teht-a''shaoor, bas "Tu" hi "Tu"

*

tehreer mein "mera" zikr

bain-a''satoor, "Tu" hi "Tu"

*

afsana yeh, "uska-mera"

haqqana bas, "Tu" hi "Tou"

(_flick_)